Overheard at the office

A bunch of us look out the window and notice a plume of smoke billowing from Catalina Island. After some discussion and speculation, this happens...

Coworker 1: Where is it? Is it in Two Harbors?
Coworker 2: The fire was last year.
Coworker 1: ...What?
Coworker 2: I looked it up online, the fire was last year.
Coworker 1: ..........Okay, but this fire is...now.
Coworker 2: Oh, okay.

My life

Bob: Can you explain how <X> works?
Me: Actually I included a pretty detailed user guide which should be a good start.
Bob: Well I just need a high level overview.
Me: Okay, it works like this.
Bob: Okay, but <multiple low-level questions>
Me: I really suggest you check out the user guide.
Bob: But then how do you <thing Y, completely unrelated to X>
Me: That's not really related to <X>. <Y> will still work the same way it has worked in the past.
Bob: <more questions about Y, continuing to imply that it is affected by X >
Me: *headdesk*

Later...
Bob: I noticed that all of our original stuff is wrong.
Me: I don't think so...*looks*...no, it's right.
Bob: What was I looking at? Oh, I was looking at <x>. Why is it wrong?
Me: I don't know, did you set it up wrong?
Bob: How do I set it up right?
Me: *fashions rope from user guide, hangs self*

Actual conversation at work

(My Indian coworker, discussing his first meeting with, and subsequent rejection of, a girl his parents are hoping to arrange a marriage with for him)

Him: She has 20 pairs of slippers!
Us: Wait, slippers? Do you mean shoes?
Him: Yes, 20 pairs of shoes.
Us: That's...pretty normal. In fact that's low, especially for a fashion designer. You rejected her just because she has 20 pairs of shoes?
Him: No no, that was just one of several points I had noted.
Us: Okay, what were the other ones?
Him: She has 30 handbags!
Us: Again, that's quite normal. In fact I'd expect a fashion designer to have more handbags, and more shoes. What else?
Him: She hugs people.
Us: She hugs people?
Him: Yes, she hugs everyone.
Us: Lots of girls hug people. In fact that's kind of a girl thing. What else?
Him: Well, when I met her I asked if she forgot to put on pants.
Us: ?????
Him: She had on a shirt but nothing on the bottom, she forgot to put on pants.
Us: Are you sure? Was it a dress?
Him: No, there should be pants or shorts or something under.
Us: But it sounds like it was a dress.
Him: But you cannot put on a top and nothing on the bottom and go out, right?
Us: But...it's a dress. You don't wear pants with a dress. Have you ever seen a dress?
Him: She just had on a shirt and nothing on the bottom!
Us: How long was it?
*He indicates about halfway up his thigh*
Us: Yeah, that's a dress.

The weather today

As far as I'm concerned, temperatures over 90 are indistinguishable from an inferno the surface of the sun.

My new favorite thing ever

I forgot about so many of these things and now, oh, how I hope that some of them are still around in the many many boxes I have refused to let my parents throw away for the last 20 years.

http://imremembering.com/

youknahmsayin?

Jason, on rappers: "I wish I could make that much money, but not because I'm retarded."

Are you sure about that?

Just stumbled upon a list of "some things you may not know" which included this:


Um, I don't think so. Pretty sure all of the creatures in my mouth are also on Earth.