Delicious

Everyone is an idiot, as usual

A rediscovered nugget of joy:

Dear President Bush,


Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose a constitutional amendment ban same sex marriage. As you
said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I
try to share your knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual relationships, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is with my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I call up the police and ask
them to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are
there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-
room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair, like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws? Lev.20:14

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help.

haha, how true

Kishikaisei13: i think that everybody needs to have an 8th grader in their head going over everything that you say with a fine-tooth, immature comb so that we'll know if we're going to say something that can be taken sexually

Kishikaisei13: damn. i wanted to corner the lactating market